what a week. im not even sure how to describe it.
i stopped smoking a couple weeks ago and come thursday last week i lost it while in the car. P.A.N.i.C attacK.
not enough air to breath
i jumped out of the car sweating with anger and frustration. smashed my door down on the way out. called a friend. and the drugs arrived. and so, i relapsed. yay.
i messed up.. or did i? i really couldnt tell you.
--------
detox is a bitch. take off your clothes, drown them in a tub of water and dress yourself again. thats how i've been this week. literally drenched with sweat and pain.
sleep.. oh sorry, i dont understand that word.. could you give me more information please? I've been prescribed temazepam. the maximum dosage has no effect. stillnox. the maximum dosage has no effect. natural sleeping aid sprays. no effect. & here's a little tip kids.. the only thing that will ever have an effect is time.. and strength of mind.
if only there were some physical aparatus i could use to build up the strength of my mind.. its become so weak. my head feels like a television with no antenna.. searching for a signal but completely unable to do the job its built to do..
i dont know. its true. im not the most honest person in the world.. hell i know that. but when i tell you that i dont know.. i've never been more sincere.
---
francepelli academy mite be in my future. if you want to know what that is find out for yourself..
---
i hope i can find the strength to be the person i know i could be.
i pray for acceptance of my past.
i wonder how long it will take for the haunting images to fade away...
---
A Journey Of A Thousand Miles Must Begin With A Single Step
--- lets hope im fit enough for this journey eh.
fin
_______________________________________
the best writing i know
James Frey:
A Million Little Pieces
My Friend Leonard
3:55 p.m. - 1999-03-05
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