when i was young.. i always wanted someone. but that someone wasnt around. so i made them me. i created a life unwanted. i made the problems so that i had something to fix.. so i could be just like you. but then.. it all turned dark. the clouds covered and everything was a shade of grey.. but my soul was already black. sunny days appeared an left, seemingly unaware of my existence. left me feeling unimportant.. less than something that you would throw away. i lost myself before i knew myself. i chose the roads i wasnt meant to, and decided against ones that i wanted. i've found myself in a place so alien, so different from the place i should be. and now is the time to find a way back.. to a beginning that i dont know how to deal with. last time i created fiction to deal with reality. now all i have are scars to remind me that reality is real and that it isnt going anywhere.. fast.. or slow.
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i've landed this amazing job near the city. its arisen so many new types of fear that i didnt know were around. i'll need some more zoloft please. can i double my dose?
i've met this person that i feel immense emotion for.. but once again. those fears are everywhere. why is life such a scary place for me. why do i need a substance to go through the day.. why wont my painfadeaway.?
pain.fade.away.
these constant memories of places i've been.. of faces i've seen.. haunt me, mock me, tell me that im nothing. tell me that i'll always be the same. that i can never change my ways.
imnottobetrusted.
life is like a rollar coaster.. a thrilling high followed by a throbbing low..
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waiting to fall so that i can fly
12:12 a.m. - 2006-01-15
Recent entries:
2 whole decades! - 2022-08-162 whole decades!
understand that you are alive - 2007-03-12understand that you are alive
do yo love it? harder.. and faster? - 2006-04-26do yo love it? harder.. and faster?
short lived and out of focus - 2006-02-02short lived and out of focus
pierced and black - 2006-02-01pierced and black
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