another year older, another year to work my arse of and learn things about myself that i never wanted to know about.
when i look back i see such huge change, but cant recall a single memory from these past months..
i used to be able to write, words were a magical way to leave things behind. my drawings' set me free.
now...
i find myself sitting still.. sometimes not so still, with a constant shake in my leg.. but still in my head. and im thinking, thinking about how much i wish to be able to think again.. think about a pain that cant be felt anymore.
I dont know if im less numb these days or moreso. i dont remember enough to draw that conclusion. i do know that im still unhappy but that life has shown me that in every day i am given a moment of innocence.. a pleasureable moment that i too often take for granted and more than likely will ignore, JUST so that i can continue in my pessimistic ways.. of searching for despair.
socially unable to participate in any kind of friendly conversation without hitting a wall mid sentence, becoming increasingly insecure until angry boredom sets in and i decide to leave the situation behind me.. again.
i could talk all day about things that i dont understand. i could spend all night trying to fix them. but i think that only time, experience, and the growth of self can restore any kind of child like acceptance i gather i once would have had.
peace to anyone who wants it.
8:43 p.m. - 2007-03-12
Recent entries:
2 whole decades! - 2022-08-162 whole decades!
understand that you are alive - 2007-03-12understand that you are alive
do yo love it? harder.. and faster? - 2006-04-26do yo love it? harder.. and faster?
short lived and out of focus - 2006-02-02short lived and out of focus
pierced and black - 2006-02-01pierced and black
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
aurian
beergut
friday13th
agitated
kinda-boring
bloodyscars
abusemyheart